I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
