just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize