is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
