I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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