I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
