I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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