Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize