All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
