My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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