She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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