I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize