It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
