You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
