I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
