I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
