we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
