Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize