My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
