I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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