stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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