My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize