Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
