pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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