did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
