she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
