I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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