Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
