We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
