I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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