The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And then he peed in my hair
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