I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
