I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
