my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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