I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize