The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
