My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
