he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
