So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
