If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
