And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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