I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
