If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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