just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
