god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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