Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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