His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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