Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm always down for nudity.
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