Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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