Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
