Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
