I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
