Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
