Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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