discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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