One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
