WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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