So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize