I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
