I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
