Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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