I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
