at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
