That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
