this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
