Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
