exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
