just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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