Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
