I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
