I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
