woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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