Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
