when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
