Me too!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
