Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
