his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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