I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Couch. On fire.
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