We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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