we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
