We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
