I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
