No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
