are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
