He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
