her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
