oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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