how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
