I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
